“Backstage passes automatically come with a tone money payment of $130, 000. Isn’t that wonderful? ” Jimmy Fallon joked.
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Tour de Distorts
Donald Trump and Costs O’Reilly announced a new talking tour on Tuesday, along with dates lined up in Tx and Florida for Dec.
“It should be a fun tour. Backstage passes automatically come with a tone money payment of $130, 000. Isn’t that good? ” Jimmy Fallon joked.
“When he noticed, Sean Hannity was like, ‘Well, I met someone new plus totally awesome, too, therefore. ’” — JIMMY FALLON
“He’s teaming plan Bill O’Reilly for a number of live events they’re phoning ‘The History Tour, ’ which was also the name of Eileen Jackson’s tour 25 years back. And wait until you listen to those two duet upon ‘The Girl Is My own. ’” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Better lock up your children. Seriously, though, it’s most likely best if you do. You know, simply till they’re out of city. ” — SETH MEYERS
“They’re planning to perform four shows, and seat tickets go on sale next week. If you enjoyed Charlie Sheen’s ‘Violent Torpedo of Truth’ trip, but weren’t so enthusiastic about the ‘truth’ part, this may be your thing. ” — JIMMY KIMMEL
The Punchiest Punchlines (Internet Outage Edition)
“The internet was straight down for almost an hour today. Several major websites crashed today due to an outage in a company I’d never heard about before, a cloud providers company called Fastly, which usually sounds like it was named simply by Donald Trump demanding a diet plan Coke. ” — DUE TO JIMMY KIMMEL
“Amazon, CNN, The newest York Times, Pinterest, Twitch, Google, eBay and more proceeded to go offline for 50 mins. It led to the world’s most productive hour of your time in the last 30 years. ” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“It actually affected the print edition’s front-page story: ‘Error 503: Paper unavailable. ’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Amazon’s site was temporarily down today due to an issue with their impair computing services provider. Yet don’t worry. I’m sure flight into outer space the following month will go great. ” — SETH MEYERS
“But it all came back, thank goodness. Everybody in the world hit control-alt-delete simultaneously and, voilà, the internet has returned — whew! ” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“But do not worry: Serious news resources, like this show, were unblemished. ” — JAMES CORDEN
The particular Bits Worth Watching
Lin-Manuel Miranda and Jimmy Fallon celebrated the Great White Way’s return with “Broadway’s Back again. ”
What We’re Excited About upon Wednesday Night
Lisa Kudrow will reunite with James Corden, the particular “Friends” reunion host, upon Wednesday’s “Late Display. ”
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Steve Paul Brammer’s new guide, “Hola Papi, ” was born out of a favorite advice column on the homosexual dating app Grindr.