Dear Leader: A Near-Perfect Letter From a Trump Sycophant, Annotated

Scott Bauer/Associated Press

Former President Jesse Trump recently accused three Wisconsin Conservative leaders of “working difficult to cover up election corruption” when he continued pushing lies regarding the November presidential vote. Mister. Trump delights in switching his fire on associates of his party whom he feels are being insufficiently servile. Many promptly flat themselves; a few shrug this off.

Then there is Condition Senate President Chris Kapenga of Wisconsin, one of the Republicans singled out simply by Mr. Trump. He taken care of immediately the former president with a notice that approaches North Korean-style levels of Dear Leader obsequiousness.

It is tempting to write off Mr. Kapenga’s missive being a desperate plea for Mister. Trump to stop picking upon him — which it really is. But it also provides a valuable learn class in the art associated with Trump sycophancy. The text from the letter below has been annotated for instructional purposes.

Mr. Chief executive,

One of the most frustrating things to view during your presidency was the carried on attacks on you from false news outlets with no liability to truth.

It is helpful early on to slide in a common Trumpian phrase like “fake news” or even “Deep State” or “alternative facts. ” This can make clear that you are operating within the same alternative reality since Mr. Trump.

I can’t imagine the particular frustration you and your family felt. Sadly, in our positions of open public service, we have to accept the truth that often “truth” in the mass media is no longer based on facts yet simply what one seems like saying.

Press bashing is a requirement whenever soliciting Mr. Trump. Should you be not willing to go generally there, don’t even bother.

This leads me personally to your recent pr release stating which i am responsible for holding up the forensic audit of the Wisconsin elections. This could not be more from the truth.

The segue here through sucking up to gentle critique is a smidge bumpy. And maintain in mind that “truth” is really a malleable concept for Mister. Trump.

Allow me to first say that very few individuals have the honor of being called publicly by an United States leader.

Now you are back on track: Having elevated your concern, it is best to instantly backpedal and layer upon more flattery. Plowing forward with the details of your issue without proper fertilizing risks obtaining Mr. Trump’s dander upward.

I never ever imagined mine would be pointed out, much less in this light, from the President that I have openly supported, and still support.

The genius of the sentence is that it sounds as if you’re expressing gratitude, even while you are expressing dismay.

I feel I need to react even though you will likely never listen to of it, as the power of the pen to mine is much like Thor’s hammer to a Bobby pin.

Reward points for going with a deity from Norse mythology. Mister. Trump clearly has a gentle spot for the region, to the point which he expressed a desire for more Norwegian immigrants and even eyed buying Greenland from Denmark.

Nevertheless, I need to correct your own false claim against myself.

Oof. One more misstep: “False” is such a severe, judgmental word. Would have already been safer to go with “inaccurate” or even, better still, “imprecise. ”

I never obtained a call from you or any type of your sources asking in regards to the election audit. If you acquired, I would have told you so very long before your press release We called the auditor in charge of the particular election audit that is occurring in Wisconsin and asked for a forensic component to the particular audit.

Recommending that Mr. Trump provides behaved in any way other than properly is always dicey. What saves here is immediately following up with reassurances that you, in fact , behaved just as he wanted.

Prior to owning several companies, I was an auditor, therefore i understand the importance of this getting done to determine what happened in the last election. This will help instruction us as legislators to place fixes in place for any problems found, and more importantly, to guarantee the integrity of elections continuing to move forward.

Deft, quick pivot to expressing solidarity with Mr. Trump’s the law that there were serious voting “issues” requiring legislative “fixes. ”

I actually made specific requests upon procedures and locations, each of which I have not, neither will not, disclose. If I was not satisfied with the procedures carried out, I will request additional function be done. If anyone illegally efforts to hinder information through being obtained, I will make use of my subpoena powers to obtain it.

Usually good to throw in some tough-guy posturing about how nothing of the libs or Strong State plotters can endure in the way of your mission.

This leads myself back to your press release. It really is false, and I don’t be thankful being done before contacting me and finding out the facts. This is what both of us have got fought against.

It really is unclear what anyone is definitely fighting against here, yet clarity should never be a good impediment to flattery.

Being cut through similar cloth in our skills, and knowing that reparation should always be of more value compared to wrong done, I have 2 requests.

Strangely enough, Wikipedia identifies Mr. Kapenga as an accountant and business owner who has experienced state politics for more than the usual decade. This would appear to create him as similar to the high-flying reality TV star and Nyc real estate scion as twisted fibers culottes are to cheetah-skin hot pants.

First, I ask that you simply issue a press release within similar fashion that adjusts the information and also encourages individuals to support what I have asked for in the audit.

Smart to sweeten your actual ask by pairing this with something that Mr. Trump wants.

2nd, you owe me a round associated with golf at the club of the choice.

Valiant attempt to lighten the disposition while also playing in order to Mr. Trump’s vanity concerning the family business. Plus, providing him the chance to beat a person at golf is smart, even when it requires you to throw the circular.

I create this as I am going to board a plane as a result of family medical emergency.

Bold move to attract Mr. Trump’s humanity.

In addition to my Trump socks, I will pull up the Trump/Pence mask when I plank the plane, as required simply by federal law.

This bit of toadyism might feel like it’s going beyond the boundary, but , with Mr. Trump, too far is never sufficient. And it never hurts to consider a shot at the feds.

I figure, when the liberals are going to force me personally to wear a mask, I will make it as painful to them as possible.

Bear in mind that the throbbing heart associated with Trumpism is owning the particular libs.

I am going to continue to do this regardless of whether delete word I ever hear a person.

Nice land! Emphasizes that you have internalized Trumpian values and will live simply by them even if the former chief executive does not heed your imploration.

Thank you for carrying out great things as the president.

Generally close with straight-up bootlicking. Don’t try to be fancy — or subtle.


Chris Kapenga

Wisconsin Senate President


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